Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Okay isn't okay enough anymore

How to sum up why I go?

This is not my life anymore.
It's hard to walk away from something that is 'okay'.


It's harder to imagine just being 'okay' for years. Seems exhausting. And cruel, because I'm better than that, and the best of me is what both I and everyone else deserve.

Whatever you are, be a good one. - Abe Lincoln

So I am taking a leap of faith. I've stopped talking about it, and instead charged it. Visa to be exact. 1.5% cash back. With a set date, it's really real. It's real for me now. I know it's definitely more real for the people who love me. November 17th, 2014.

It's hard to sustain the excitement for this future. But I get little zingers by hearing people tell me of their excitement for my trip, and how courageous I must be. When a former colleague writes me a recommendation, and she hopes we keep in touch. It feels like the shock. The acid of a mouthful of sour patch kids. Or like when you're looking for someone in the baggage claim, and all of a sudden the crowd parts - there you are. That rush. That  jumble. That's how my trip feels. 

Lima. Lee-mah. It shall be the gateway to what comes next.
I don't know where I'll end up.
But someone very smart and kind once gave me a beautiful compliment. When asked what kind of person I am, he told me that I was the kind of person that likes to rise to the occasion. The kind that likes how it feels to surpass expectation.

Another very smart, and kind person told me that I'm a rocket. When asked why a rocket, he said,' like a device that is used to break escape velocity and get out of earth's gravitational pull.'

Not to be defined by other people, but instead to have realized that many times other people see the things in ourselves that we can't or don't acknowledge.

Keep reading if you'd like. I will ramble here. This will keep you up-to-date. Keep everyone that has real estate in my head and my heart part of all of this. Is there a non-sappy way to say that I hope that you find joy and glee in reading about how I'm feeling and what my brain puts together. I also hope that you keep me with you - on the tip of your tongue, and the corner of your brain reserved for puns and other daily oddities.

I love you. Heart open. I love me too, so I'm leaping. November 17th, 2014. It feels better than okay.


1 comment:

  1. When I studied in South America, we took two day trips to Lima. Undoubtedly one of my favorite parts of the trip. Its beautiful there. Have fun, and stay safe!