Tuesday, October 7, 2014

I'm not running away




I don't know if this is the best forum for this.
I'll do it anyway.

I'm not running away.
I'm not judging anyone's choices.
I'm not judging anyone's life here.
I'm not fleeing bad memories.
Nor am I fleeing 'bad' people.
I'm not doing this because I'm can't hack it here.
I'm not doing this because I'm weak.

(Side note: For anyone that really knows me - I don't run. I'm more apt to amble, or dart. Possibly cavort, or wiggle, but I never run.)

So in my head and in my heart I think: this cannot be my life.
I am an expanse being held in a body that is too small. And I need to go and be that.
I am brave. I am grace. I am bold. I am fit. I am light enough to rise to the occasion.

And here, here I am attached to things, and attached to people. I am comfortable. And it causes me pain. It makes me sad. So I will go and build elsewhere. I will go rebuild what I've spent the last 12 months tearing down.

And I'm excited! If you talk to me, I know that it may not seem like it, but I'm adept at burying it under the anxiety of everything that ever needs to get done before I leave.

Because I may not come back. And that's okay. I'll bring you with me.

-Rachel

1 comment:

  1. I hope your journey is all you dream it to be and then some!

    ReplyDelete